Wow these past few months has been like riding a roller coaster as I love roller coasters I can definetly say I didnt' like this one! But I made a choice to ride it now I can say I decide to get off this ride and join a new enjoyment FREEDOM! I can say it like this thesse past few months have not been a day at the amusement park, its been like I was in a battle or a war. Battles always end up with some injuries or casulaties. I know I'm still here but sprirtually speaking I was dead inside very wounded in the battle. the biggest battle was in my mind.
It all started out very small such as not feeling like I belonged, a look that I took personal, feeling like everyone was against me, ;like I was alone, being offended. But as the days, weeks and months went by it kept getting deeper and deeper. Then started distancing myself from activites if I thought it was going to get me more hurt, even activies that my kids were involved in I didnt' allow them to go to it, walls began to build up and bitterness and unforgiveness, hurt began to take over. All which is sin I knew it was wrong but I still did it that is sin. But I tried to justify it ever been there? Sin will always take you farther than you wanted to go and keep you longer than you wanted to stay.
I can't believe how long it took me to get off this ride. But I"m glad that Im finally off.
I spend alot of time telling my boys that when someone does something to you no matter if they say sorry or whatever you need to make sure you forgive them because its the right thing to do thats what Jesus wants you to do. And here I am doing the completely opposite. Sometimes its so easy to tell everyone else what they are suppose to do but its so hard to apply it especially when its getting into our stuff!
THis past Sunday it was a day that I will never forget, its the day the ride finally stopped.
To be completely honest I didn't want to go to church on sunday night I thought of hundered different things that I could be doing but my son Kolton said "its time for church mom we need to go" well what am I suppose to say ?So we got in the car and went. Its easy to perform sometimes (just being honest) I have been in church my whole life and I know how you are suppose to be and I may have fooled some but not myself or most important Jesus.
The moment Timothy Mccain got up and started speaking i felt like he was talking right at me(ever been there) I was thinking who told him lol no one did but God! And then Pastor Taylor said something that stuck out to me he said there is someone here that keeps laying it down and picking it back up now i know i may not have been the only one who needed to hear that but I was defiently one of them! I keep saying that its yours God and then picking it back up when I'm done avoiding the person or situaion completely instead of taking care of it. But God said enough is enough its time to ROLL away the stone, and I can't roll it away on my own, but Thru Christ I can do all things!
So the moment came for me to go thru the prayer line. The very moment I got to the beginning of the prayer line one of the ladies touched my arm and said roll it away, I felt something starting to move and lift. It got more intense as I went thru the line and then Timothy McCain took his hand and brushed my forehead like he was taking something off he did it a few times (another God moment because he has never met me and didnt' know anything about me) but that was the very area I was needing to roll away all those battles in the mind!
Then as the line progrressed the presence of the Lord got stronger and stronger to wear I was not able to hardly stand up I was practically bowing the rest of the way. But the breaking point that it was completely rolled away was when i was almost at the end of the line I barely had my eyes open as i was bent over I looked down and I seen something that literally made me wept and freedom started taking place. One of my friends has a tattoo on her foot (you know who you are lol ) I saw that as I was going thru the line of course I ddint see her face but it was enough for me to know who it was and at that moment God spoke to me and said " You are loved you do have friends because I have given them to you let go of all those things you are holding onto"
Now she had no idea maybe how I had been feeling but her praying for me was very powerful to my breakthrough.
After church to have complete freedom that I wouldn't go back and pick it up I dint' avoid the situation or persons! I went to those and shared what I had been dealing with not in great detail but enough and it was a releasing moment for me and a breaking moment in my life.
Months of bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, resentment was gone and three days later I can say I have never felt better. I have had the best three nights of sleep that I have had in a long time better attitude in all areas of my life.
I am so thankful for true friends who love me and are so forgiving.
I'm loving this new ride that I'm on Freedom! I hope that you will join me on this ride. Its so much better than the roller coaster of bitterness, unforgiveness and all that !