Wow these past few months has been like riding a roller coaster as I love roller coasters I can definetly say I didnt' like this one! But I made a choice to ride it now I can say I decide to get off this ride and join a new enjoyment FREEDOM! I can say it like this thesse past few months have not been a day at the amusement park, its been like I was in a battle or a war. Battles always end up with some injuries or casulaties. I know I'm still here but sprirtually speaking I was dead inside very wounded in the battle. the biggest battle was in my mind.
It all started out very small such as not feeling like I belonged, a look that I took personal, feeling like everyone was against me, ;like I was alone, being offended. But as the days, weeks and months went by it kept getting deeper and deeper. Then started distancing myself from activites if I thought it was going to get me more hurt, even activies that my kids were involved in I didnt' allow them to go to it, walls began to build up and bitterness and unforgiveness, hurt began to take over. All which is sin I knew it was wrong but I still did it that is sin. But I tried to justify it ever been there? Sin will always take you farther than you wanted to go and keep you longer than you wanted to stay.
I can't believe how long it took me to get off this ride. But I"m glad that Im finally off.
I spend alot of time telling my boys that when someone does something to you no matter if they say sorry or whatever you need to make sure you forgive them because its the right thing to do thats what Jesus wants you to do. And here I am doing the completely opposite. Sometimes its so easy to tell everyone else what they are suppose to do but its so hard to apply it especially when its getting into our stuff!
THis past Sunday it was a day that I will never forget, its the day the ride finally stopped.
To be completely honest I didn't want to go to church on sunday night I thought of hundered different things that I could be doing but my son Kolton said "its time for church mom we need to go" well what am I suppose to say ?So we got in the car and went. Its easy to perform sometimes (just being honest) I have been in church my whole life and I know how you are suppose to be and I may have fooled some but not myself or most important Jesus.
The moment Timothy Mccain got up and started speaking i felt like he was talking right at me(ever been there) I was thinking who told him lol no one did but God! And then Pastor Taylor said something that stuck out to me he said there is someone here that keeps laying it down and picking it back up now i know i may not have been the only one who needed to hear that but I was defiently one of them! I keep saying that its yours God and then picking it back up when I'm done avoiding the person or situaion completely instead of taking care of it. But God said enough is enough its time to ROLL away the stone, and I can't roll it away on my own, but Thru Christ I can do all things!
So the moment came for me to go thru the prayer line. The very moment I got to the beginning of the prayer line one of the ladies touched my arm and said roll it away, I felt something starting to move and lift. It got more intense as I went thru the line and then Timothy McCain took his hand and brushed my forehead like he was taking something off he did it a few times (another God moment because he has never met me and didnt' know anything about me) but that was the very area I was needing to roll away all those battles in the mind!
Then as the line progrressed the presence of the Lord got stronger and stronger to wear I was not able to hardly stand up I was practically bowing the rest of the way. But the breaking point that it was completely rolled away was when i was almost at the end of the line I barely had my eyes open as i was bent over I looked down and I seen something that literally made me wept and freedom started taking place. One of my friends has a tattoo on her foot (you know who you are lol ) I saw that as I was going thru the line of course I ddint see her face but it was enough for me to know who it was and at that moment God spoke to me and said " You are loved you do have friends because I have given them to you let go of all those things you are holding onto"
Now she had no idea maybe how I had been feeling but her praying for me was very powerful to my breakthrough.
After church to have complete freedom that I wouldn't go back and pick it up I dint' avoid the situation or persons! I went to those and shared what I had been dealing with not in great detail but enough and it was a releasing moment for me and a breaking moment in my life.
Months of bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, resentment was gone and three days later I can say I have never felt better. I have had the best three nights of sleep that I have had in a long time better attitude in all areas of my life.
I am so thankful for true friends who love me and are so forgiving.
I'm loving this new ride that I'm on Freedom! I hope that you will join me on this ride. Its so much better than the roller coaster of bitterness, unforgiveness and all that !
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Where do I belong????
Have you ever asked yourself this question "where do I belong or fit in? " well thats where I'm at today. Just been struggling with this question. I know that God has a place for me and I know that I do fit somehwere in this puzzle we call life but i've been really struggling with this.
I look at different things and i'm not really fitting in or even think that I belong. Here are some of those thoughts.....
I have two boys not girls so i dont' fit in that group, my kids go to public school so i dont' fit in to the group of the ones who homeschool, I work outside of the home while kids are in school so i'm not in the group with the stay at home moms, my boys are in elementary and one almost in middle schoool so i dont' fit in with the ones who have small children, i'm 32 and married so i dont' fit in the young people group, I'm 32 with and some of the ones who have middle school aged kids well lets just say not in my age bracket that we would have anything in common, and at work I'm not in that college years with no responsiblities so I dont fit in that group either. I'm just really struggling with this. I feel like most of my days I am either alone or I have my boys with me I rarely get to spend time one on one with my husband due to this new schedule which i'm thankful for his new job dont' get me wrong it's just really hard to get time in there with us trying to work our two work scheudles our that we dont' have to get a babysitter for the boys ever, which that dn't happen either. not too many babysitters lined up lol . I keep telling myself in a few years kristofer will be old enough to watch his brother for a date night or something so I know it will happen. I just feel really disconnected with everyone and everything makes me wonder was I really ever connected in the first place.
This is just my thoughts for today praying that God gives me some direction and helps me figure out where do I belong and fit in !
I look at different things and i'm not really fitting in or even think that I belong. Here are some of those thoughts.....
I have two boys not girls so i dont' fit in that group, my kids go to public school so i dont' fit in to the group of the ones who homeschool, I work outside of the home while kids are in school so i'm not in the group with the stay at home moms, my boys are in elementary and one almost in middle schoool so i dont' fit in with the ones who have small children, i'm 32 and married so i dont' fit in the young people group, I'm 32 with and some of the ones who have middle school aged kids well lets just say not in my age bracket that we would have anything in common, and at work I'm not in that college years with no responsiblities so I dont fit in that group either. I'm just really struggling with this. I feel like most of my days I am either alone or I have my boys with me I rarely get to spend time one on one with my husband due to this new schedule which i'm thankful for his new job dont' get me wrong it's just really hard to get time in there with us trying to work our two work scheudles our that we dont' have to get a babysitter for the boys ever, which that dn't happen either. not too many babysitters lined up lol . I keep telling myself in a few years kristofer will be old enough to watch his brother for a date night or something so I know it will happen. I just feel really disconnected with everyone and everything makes me wonder was I really ever connected in the first place.
This is just my thoughts for today praying that God gives me some direction and helps me figure out where do I belong and fit in !
Friday, January 13, 2012
overcoming obstacles and bragging on Dad!
I have been thinking about the past years of obstacles that we have had to overcome and wow all I can say God is good. I love when people say you can't do something and God shows up and shows off and guess what you can do it thru Christ!
I was watching Kolton earlier today and watching how many obstacles he has come thru these past few years of his life. wow God has His hand on him and I'm amazed at what they said he couldn't do he is doing and I know he has things he is still working on but arent' we all? We are still a work in progress we aren't finished yet and neither is God with Kolton. I will only believe what God says about my boys not anyone else.
By no means are my boys perfect! But is there such as thing as a perfect child ... let me just answer that for you NO~!!!! But my boys have alot of ambition, I believe that they are turning out to be great young men.
Kristofer is almost in middle school wow thats hard to believe but it's coming faster than I can say it. But I see so much potential in him , not just athletic ability which he has, not just academics which he is doing great in , but so much more than all that. He is so considerate of other peoples feelings, so respectful which is a great character quality for when he starts to have girlfriends(which I wish that wasnt' happening any time soon but it will be here before i know it). He is so talented in so many areas but I'm so thankful for his heart to do the right thing. He is so innocent right now and I want to perserve that for as long as I can. I know he is going to grow up and face many challenges but my prayer is that with those challenges and obstacles he will always look to God for those answers he needs.
Kolton is growing up so fast not quite a baby anymore but still mine. He said to me the other day mom i'm not a baby anymore but I know i'm yours ! He is such a sweet boy with a passionate heart. He loves to pray for others and has so much faith that God is going to answer his prayer right then and there, sometimes i wish i had that faith of a child. Kolton may not be the straight A student like others or not really athletic like his brother but he is so much more than all of that in Gods eyes. Its hard sometimes as a mother when you see your son struggling with stuff and it comes so easy for others and all you want to do is help them but there is nothing you can really do . But I know that God is working on his life and has it all under control. I believe that what others have said about him God is going to show up and show off and everyone will know that it was the hand of God.
I was watching Kolton earlier today and watching how many obstacles he has come thru these past few years of his life. wow God has His hand on him and I'm amazed at what they said he couldn't do he is doing and I know he has things he is still working on but arent' we all? We are still a work in progress we aren't finished yet and neither is God with Kolton. I will only believe what God says about my boys not anyone else.
By no means are my boys perfect! But is there such as thing as a perfect child ... let me just answer that for you NO~!!!! But my boys have alot of ambition, I believe that they are turning out to be great young men.
Kristofer is almost in middle school wow thats hard to believe but it's coming faster than I can say it. But I see so much potential in him , not just athletic ability which he has, not just academics which he is doing great in , but so much more than all that. He is so considerate of other peoples feelings, so respectful which is a great character quality for when he starts to have girlfriends(which I wish that wasnt' happening any time soon but it will be here before i know it). He is so talented in so many areas but I'm so thankful for his heart to do the right thing. He is so innocent right now and I want to perserve that for as long as I can. I know he is going to grow up and face many challenges but my prayer is that with those challenges and obstacles he will always look to God for those answers he needs.
Kolton is growing up so fast not quite a baby anymore but still mine. He said to me the other day mom i'm not a baby anymore but I know i'm yours ! He is such a sweet boy with a passionate heart. He loves to pray for others and has so much faith that God is going to answer his prayer right then and there, sometimes i wish i had that faith of a child. Kolton may not be the straight A student like others or not really athletic like his brother but he is so much more than all of that in Gods eyes. Its hard sometimes as a mother when you see your son struggling with stuff and it comes so easy for others and all you want to do is help them but there is nothing you can really do . But I know that God is working on his life and has it all under control. I believe that what others have said about him God is going to show up and show off and everyone will know that it was the hand of God.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
What a year
Well it's been awhile since I last posted but life has been a little crazy like most lifes are during the holiday season. But I think for right now life is going to go back to somewhat normal ? whatever that is lol. I am looking forward to the new year we have already made some changes from last year and I hope there are so more to come. The first one was Jimmy got his new job and he loves it and who knows what God has in storre for him there he could go up the ladder or move to the federal prison in the future but whatever it is jimmy is right in the palm of Gods perfect plan.
I have made a change to my working schedule as of December I am no longer working at the Cpc even though I loved it and it was great while it lasted but sometimes we need to make changes and its not always easy but necessary all at the same time!. God has given me another adventure for this comig season in my life I'm working at Kohls and loving it its' a fun enviroment and not as many hours as doing both jobs but a great discount and I'm around a lot of people. I"ve been really considering going back to school to do physical therapy or massage therapy not sure yet but it's an interest of mine and I am really thinking about doing something with it nothing in the workings yet though.
Life is going by so fast kids are growing up way to fast, I now know what my parents meant by cherish every moment because they will be grown before you know it. I completely agree with that .
Kristofer is going to be in middle school next year and life is about to change I have a feeling !!!! Its' going to be a new season for our family and it's going to be great I'm sure but at the same time many challenges. Kolton is doing pretty good also making progress daily and I know that there is more to come but God is doing a work and I"m excited to see what He has in store for those boys.
Well thats about it for now I'll post more later and try to once a week write in the blog !
I have made a change to my working schedule as of December I am no longer working at the Cpc even though I loved it and it was great while it lasted but sometimes we need to make changes and its not always easy but necessary all at the same time!. God has given me another adventure for this comig season in my life I'm working at Kohls and loving it its' a fun enviroment and not as many hours as doing both jobs but a great discount and I'm around a lot of people. I"ve been really considering going back to school to do physical therapy or massage therapy not sure yet but it's an interest of mine and I am really thinking about doing something with it nothing in the workings yet though.
Life is going by so fast kids are growing up way to fast, I now know what my parents meant by cherish every moment because they will be grown before you know it. I completely agree with that .
Kristofer is going to be in middle school next year and life is about to change I have a feeling !!!! Its' going to be a new season for our family and it's going to be great I'm sure but at the same time many challenges. Kolton is doing pretty good also making progress daily and I know that there is more to come but God is doing a work and I"m excited to see what He has in store for those boys.
Well thats about it for now I'll post more later and try to once a week write in the blog !
Thursday, October 6, 2011
A new additon to the family!!!!!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
School is off to a great start
Well the first two days of the new school year has went great. The boys both love their new teachers and I am so happy it makes it so much easier to send them when you know they love it! It's hard to believe that Kristofer is in the 5th grade last year in elementary school where did the time go i have no clue ! Kolton is in 2nd grade now growing up way too fast. But each new season of their lifes is an exciting time. God is going to use them both in a great way this school year and I have to trust Him to complete the great work that He has started in their lifes!
Along with their new school year I have a new school year as well lookig forward to teaching the Creatiing Postive Relationships program to all the vigo, clay, vermillion, parke , sullivan county schools this year. We have expanded and with that comes alot more teaching and alot more time into this program. But I know its going to be worth it . We have made new changes to the curriculm this year and I'm really excited about that , with that I have been spending the past two afternoons makiing new stuff to go along with the curriculm trying to save the center some money adn doing some crafty things myself !
I'm asking God thsi year for a fresh annointing when I go into the classrooms its alot of spirtual battles that I endure while doing this program but i know that is' all worth it in the end! God is going to change the lifes of these teenagers in this city and the surrounding cities as well I can't wait to see what happens this school year! keep us in prayer for the upcoming year !
Along with their new school year I have a new school year as well lookig forward to teaching the Creatiing Postive Relationships program to all the vigo, clay, vermillion, parke , sullivan county schools this year. We have expanded and with that comes alot more teaching and alot more time into this program. But I know its going to be worth it . We have made new changes to the curriculm this year and I'm really excited about that , with that I have been spending the past two afternoons makiing new stuff to go along with the curriculm trying to save the center some money adn doing some crafty things myself !
I'm asking God thsi year for a fresh annointing when I go into the classrooms its alot of spirtual battles that I endure while doing this program but i know that is' all worth it in the end! God is going to change the lifes of these teenagers in this city and the surrounding cities as well I can't wait to see what happens this school year! keep us in prayer for the upcoming year !
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Schools out for the summer
Well school is out for the summer! The boys are very exctied about this and I have to say so am I !
I can't believe that i have a 5th grader and a 2nd grader now. Time really does fly I use to think that everyne was exhaurating when they said that but I have found it to be so true. It seems like yesterday I found out that I was pregnant and wow look 10 years later I have two boys that are growing up before my eyes. I have no regrets though I have spent those years raisng them and taking care of them and spending almost every day with them!
Kolton has in the past few weeks really showed me that he is growing up and it makes me happy but sad at the same time he is my last the baby of our family ! At night before he use to go to sleep i would have to sit in their room with him until he fell asleep or if he fell asleep on the couch i would have to carry him in their bedroom But the past few weeks he looks at me and says " I'm tired I'm going to my room to go to bed, mom you can stay in here I'm a big boy now"!
I said to him are you sure you don't want me to sit with you ? he continues to say to me I'm a big boy now mom! Mr. independent, I love it for somethings but seriously why do they have to grow up so fast. I know they have to and I want them to be great mature young men but right now I wish they were just my little boys that still needed to be rocked to sleep . I know that as they grow up they will need me for different reasons ; girl issues, advice about stuff, but I miss the moments that go by so quickly .
kolton at 5 months old
kristofer at 5 months old
I can't believe that i have a 5th grader and a 2nd grader now. Time really does fly I use to think that everyne was exhaurating when they said that but I have found it to be so true. It seems like yesterday I found out that I was pregnant and wow look 10 years later I have two boys that are growing up before my eyes. I have no regrets though I have spent those years raisng them and taking care of them and spending almost every day with them!
Kolton has in the past few weeks really showed me that he is growing up and it makes me happy but sad at the same time he is my last the baby of our family ! At night before he use to go to sleep i would have to sit in their room with him until he fell asleep or if he fell asleep on the couch i would have to carry him in their bedroom But the past few weeks he looks at me and says " I'm tired I'm going to my room to go to bed, mom you can stay in here I'm a big boy now"!
I said to him are you sure you don't want me to sit with you ? he continues to say to me I'm a big boy now mom! Mr. independent, I love it for somethings but seriously why do they have to grow up so fast. I know they have to and I want them to be great mature young men but right now I wish they were just my little boys that still needed to be rocked to sleep . I know that as they grow up they will need me for different reasons ; girl issues, advice about stuff, but I miss the moments that go by so quickly .
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